


A Slight Miscalculation

by Runan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mildly Dubious Consent, Xeno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-11-14
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:30:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runan/pseuds/Runan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Evaluation time, when all young trolls face a series of tests to determine their future.  Now that Alternia's been restored and Feferi's in charge, Sollux and Karkat can actually look forward to it--until troll biology decides to kick Sollux in the globes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just really like the "in heat" trope, okay.

The first night Sollux failed to show up, you didn’t really think anything of it. 

You were a little disappointed, but honestly, you would have been surprised if he _didn’t_ miss a night or two.  He was almost as much of a recluse as you were, and the tests didn’t start for a few nights, anyway.  If he wanted to sulk in his block like a wiggler that’d been scolded by their lusus, that was his problem.  You’d gone exploring without him, listening the excited chatter of your peers and trying to quell the little bubble of nervousness in your gut.

Tests.  Damn.  You still couldn’t quite believe you were here.  Every young Troll underwent Alternia-wide Evaluations just before reaching official adulthood--various mental and physical tests that determined your future career as a member of the glorious Imperial navy.  Or introduced you to the business end of a culling fork, whatever.  They were held every sweep, and you were expected to sign up and show up to the local holding barracks for your chosen session.  Failure to do so meant instant culling.

Or at least, it used to.  You’d spent a lot of time carefully _not_ thinking about it, because you were dead either way once your blood color was discovered.  Now that you’d finally won that damn game and Feferi had taken over as empress of the newly-generated Alternia, though, your spot (or lack thereof) on the hemospectrum was no longer something you had to worry about.  She had been very ---EMP) (ATIC!! about that.

Of course, hemoequality wasn’t going to happen overnight.  You weren’t naïve, and despite appearances, neither was she.  The higher blood castes were still grumbling about it from time to time, and one of Feferi’s own advisors, an elderly blueblood, had been particularly outspoken.

His broken body had been found washed up on a beach soon after.  Feferi had expressed her remorse at his loss in a planet-wide broadcast, along with a reminder to be careful--the sea cod be a dan-shore-us place, after eel!

You remember thinking how sharp her teeth had looked.

\-----

The second night Sollux failed to grace you with his presence, you started to worry.

“C’mon, c’mon, where _are_ you you stupid bulgemuncher...”

You bounced slightly on the balls of your feet, ignoring the annoyed glances of the greenblood standing next to you as you scanned the crowd.  A bored-looking tealblood was giving a speech at the front of the assembly hall, welcoming you to your future and congratulating you on making it this far blah blah blah.

While attendance wasn’t strictly mandatory, it was considered bad form not to show up.

So naturally Sollux hadn’t shown up.

You gritted your teeth and tried to pay attention.  Fine.  Whatever.  It was his future, he was free to waste it however he wanted.  You’d been given a second chance at making a life for yourself, and damned if you were going to waste it.  You couldn’t possibly care _less_ about that selfish oh who were you kidding.  You were going to drag him out kicking and screaming as soon as this speech was over, and you were going to serve his ass a piping hot Karkat Vantas Ragegasm Special until his fucking ears bled.

\-----

Sweeps ago, before the whole SGRUB clusterfuck, you and Sollux had had an extremely awkward conversation via Trollian about your eventual Evaluations.  You’d both been dreading them, although neither of you would tell the other why.  Actually, you’d been a bit surprised at Sollux’s reluctance.  Sure he was a lowblood, but his powers should land him a decent position in the fleet.  He hadn’t replied for a while after that.  You’d been about to log out in disgust when he suddenly suggested that the two of you sign up for the same session.

It made sense, and the idea of having a friend there when he faced his inevitable culling was embarrassingly comforting.  So you’d agreed, and the two of you had made a pact to stick together, and things had gone weirdly pale for a moment or two.

Of course then you’d both spent the next week being particularly snarky at each other, as if trying to make up for your earlier display of emotions.  The pact was never mentioned again.  Sometimes you wondered if he even still remembered.

When you finally stomp inside, the door to his half of your shared block is closed and locked, the same way it has been for two nights now.  You stare at it, scowling.

Sollux had messaged you two weeks ago, and, as it turned out, he did still remember.  You were secretly relieved--Evaluation session sign-ups had already started, and you’d been trying to think of a way to casually bring up the subject to him.

He insisted on signing up for the second session (of course), and, now that it no longer heralded the end of your life, you’d agreed with a minimal amount of bitching.  You were kind of...excited, honestly.  Sollux had seemed pretty amped up too, almost as if, like you, he’d dodged some sort of nasty fate and could now actually look forward to adulthood.  You were a pretty fast typer, but you’d barely been able to keep up with the yellow text flying across your screen.

Which is why you can’t figure out what the hell is deal is now.  Sollux had barely said one word to you ever since you’d gotten here, and had shut himself in his block shortly after.

Well, you’ve had enough of his bullshit.  Squaring your shoulders, you march over to the door and pound your fist on it.  “Sollux, get your skinny ass out here!”

“Fuck off,” came the muffled reply.  There were a few faint shuffling noises, but Sollux failed to emerge.

“I will _break this door down_ , don’t think I won’t!”

More shuffling noises.  “KK, trutht me, I really need to thtay in here right now.”

You threw up your hands in frustration.  “For fuck’s sake, _why_?  What could possibly be so compelling in that dingy little sub-block that you can’t bear to tear yourself away from it?”

“I may have theriouthly fucked up thertain calculationth of a perthonal nature and I would appreciate it if you would jutht LEAVE ME ALONE, okay?”  Even through the door, Sollux’s voice sounded a bit odd, almost breathless.

Calculations?  You frown as you try to parse through his last remark, but you’re still stumped, and the urge to wring Sollux Captor’s skinny neck was rising.  “What.  The _fuck_.  Are you talking about?”

A pause, a barely-audible sigh, and the door finally swung open.

Your jaw dropped.

Sollux’s skin was flushed and covered with a thin sheen of sweat, which made the standard-issue jumpsuit he’d been given cling damply to his frame.  The hand clutching the doorframe shook with the erratic tremors that vibrated through his body, making him sway slightly on his feet, and he looked exhausted.

It was the smell, though, that got your heart racing.  Or, not _smell_ , exactly, but a sort of miasma that surrounded and overwhelmed you.  You felt your breathing speed up as a strange heat began building inside you, and your focus narrowed sharply on Sollux as you stared at him.  There’s...there’s something different about him, something that excites you, although you don’t understand why.  He licks his lips, and your eyes are locked on the wet slide of his tongue as you involuntarily copy the movement.  You want to touch him.  You want to push him down and climb on top of him and claim him as your own--

You’ve already taken a step towards him before your thinkpan finally catches up with your hormones.  _Pheromones_ , it informs you helpfully.  Sollux reeked of pheromones.

...Holy fucking shit.  “You’re...”

He sighed again and slumped against the doorframe.  “Thcrewed.”  The corner of his mouth quirked up in a humorless smile.  “Literally.”


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re in _heat_?!”

Your voice cracked, turning the end of your exclamation into a falsetto shriek.  Sollux sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.  “Wow, KK, I definitely wanted you to share the newth with the whole fucking barrackth, thankth tho much for that.”

You’re still trying to process this sudden horrifying revelation, so you sputter for a moment before you reply.  “What the hell were you thinking?  You can’t be here!  You—you should be locked in your hive like any _sane_ troll—oh my god, this is a disaster, this is—”

“Uh, hello?  I’m the one who should be freaking out here.”

“No shit!  How the hell can you be so _calm_?”

Sollux rubbed a hand across his face.  “I already went through the shithive-maggotths-freaking-the-fuck-out thtage.  It wath exthauthting.  I have no more fuckth to give.  I am fresh out.  At thith point I’m jutht kind of rethigned to whatever happenth.”

“No.”  You pointed emphatically at him.  “That is a stupid thing to say and we are both going to pretend it never came out of your face gash.  What we _are_ going to do is come up with a plan.”

“Whatever.”  Sollux waved a hand in your vague direction, and the swirl of pheromones it left in its wake went straight to your bulge.  You shifted uncomfortably, and across from you Sollux did the same—shit, that damp spot on the crotch of his jumpsuit wasn’t sweat, was it.  Why were you looking at it.  Why couldn’t you _stop_ looking at it.

There was no way Sollux could leave the block in his state—there were plenty of trolls who’d have no qualms about taking advantage of him, and his body would force him to comply no matter how much his mind resisted.  And he’d almost certainly trigger fights between the less stable highbloods once the pheromones set off the primal instincts that lurked closer to the surface of their thinkpans.  It would be bloody, brutal chaos.

Hell, your own instincts were clamoring incessantly at you— _take him, fuck him, make him mine_ —but a single clear thought bubbled up suddenly through the haze.  There _was_ one troll here who would be impervious.  One who’d been specifically trained to deal with trolls in any state without reacting.

“The medinterrogator!” you blurt out.  Your sudden shout made Sollux jump a little in surprise, and he yanked his hand guilty away from where it had drifted towards his groin.

“…What?”  He sounds bewildered.  Clearly he’s having trouble comprehending the brilliance of your plan.

“The medinterrogator,” you repeat more confidently.  “Look, just hear me out, okay?  Medinterrogators have to be able to treat any troll, right?  And they can’t be distracted by shit like instincts when they’re trying to subdue a raging highblood.  They need to be able to treat every situation clinically.  So they go through all this hardcore training—”

“KK, I _know_ all thith, I went through thchoolfeeding too remem—”

“Shut up,” you say with practiced ease, not missing a beat.  “Anyway, even that’s not enough.  To make absolutely sure they’ll never react to anything, they have their Involuntary Hormonal Response Gland cut.  Like, completely severed—”

“That’th bullshit, everyone knowth that’th a myth—”

“It’s not, I watched a documentary on it,” you insist.

Sollux crossed his arms and slumped further down against the doorframe.  “Okay, _fine_ ,” he said impatiently.  “Wath there a point to Thtory Time With KK, or…?”

“The _point_ , douchelord, is that the Evaluation medinterrogator has the authority to grant trolls special dispensation for…uh…medical…issues…if they feel there is sufficient justification.”  You may or may not have obsessively read over the Evaluation procedure manual several times.  “And we don’t have to worry about them reacting to your…uh…so—”

“Wait.”  Sollux’s eyebrows furrowed as he held up a hand.  “That’th all well and good, but I don’t want any other trollth near me, glandth or no glandth.  Theriouthly, fuck that noithe, I’d rather jutht…ride it out in here.  Jutht me and my five friendth, ehehe.”  He wiggled his long fingers suggestively, a crooked smirk on his face.

With every last ounce of your considerable willpower, you manage to steer your thoughts away from the mental image of him using those fingers on himself and back to the problem at hand.  “Oh my god, don’t be an idiot.  Someone would come and check on you eventually, if only to make sure your corpse didn’t stink up the whole barracks if you’d gotten yourself culled.  Look, I’ll be right back, and then this whole fucking nightmare will be over.”

Sollux scowled and opened his mouth, so you continued before he could argue.  “Don’t.  Just this once, don’t be so fucking difficult, okay?”

He closed his mouth with an audible snap.  Then he whirled around and slammed the door behind him.

“You’re welcome!” you yelled.  There was a faint crackling noise, and a glowing red-blue hand materialized in front of you, flipped you off, and vanished.

——-

The medinterrogator, a heavily-built adult jadeblood named Argema, was intimidating.  No, scratch that, she was fucking _terrifying_.  You kind of hadn’t counted on that.  But you’d spent your life bullshitting your way through any and all opposition, and you didn’t intend to stop now.  And so, squaring your shoulders and trying not to think about the fact that she had a good two feet on you, you stepped into her office and briefed her on the situation.

And by “briefed her on the situation” you mean “stuttered nervously through one of the most awkward explanations you’d ever had to give, and that included the one with John about why horn-grabbing was a no-no”

“—And so that’s…um.  The problem.  Yeah.”

She stared silently at you.  It was simultaneously one of the scariest and most embarrassing moments of your life.  Visions of culling forks were dancing in your head—oh god, you were going to end up on the Troll Darwin Awards site, weren’t you, Sollux would never let you live it down—the things you do for that ungrateful bastard—the humans would probably have a corpse party—

You nearly jumped out of your skin when she burst into laughter.

“…Um,” you said.

“Oh,” she finally gasped a good five minutes later, wiping a tear from her eye.  “Now there’s one I _haven’t_ heard, and I doubt you’d have the globes to make that up.  Very well.  Let’s go see this unfortunate yellowblood of yours, shall we?”

——-

Sollux refused to open the door to his block when you and Argema arrived, which turned out not to matter when she calmly ripped it right out of the frame.  You boggled at each other through the newly-empty space as she gently leaned the door against a nearby wall.

“Well,” she said, eyeing Sollux up and down with a critical eye.  “Your friend wasn’t exaggerating.  That’s quite the potent chemical cocktail you’re emitting, and I doubt you’ve even reached the peak of your cycle.  It’s a good thing you didn’t go wandering around like that.  Riots are such a nuisance.”

Sollux hunched up defensively and _hissed_ at her, backing up against the wall.  Something fierce stirred deep inside you, and suddenly you wanted her _out_.  It took you a moment to realize that that low, guttural growl was coming from you.

The medinterrogator snorted.  “Please.  I could crush both of you like a freshly-molted wriggler exoskeleton.  Don’t tempt me.”  Reaching down, she pulled a hand-held communicator out of her pocket and frowned at it.  “Things were so much easier when I could just cull medically unfit trolls.  There’s no precedence for a troll arriving at Evaluation in the middle of his heat cycle—and I can’t even begin to imagine what you were thinking, so I won’t bother trying—”

“Are you gonna give him permission to leave Evaluation or not?”  Damn, you didn’t realize you could sound so intimidating when you snarled.  “Because he’s gonna need an escort—”

“Thank you for volunteering,” Argema interrupted sharply.  “And for the record?  No, I am not giving _either_ of you permission to leave Evaluation.”

“What?” yelped Sollux.  “That’th _bullshit_ , you—”

“What I _am_ doing is changing your test requirements,” she cut him off smoothly.  And wow, you thought _you’d_ sounded intimidating a minute ago.  “There’s a tracking test being held tomorrow.  It will take place in the forest bordering the northern side of the barracks.  If you and your friend can make it through the forest and get past the other test participants alive and in relatively one piece, you are free to leave and you may consider your Evaluation passed with flying colors.  If not…”  She paused, and a grim smile tugged at her mouth.  “Well, riots may be a nuisance, but I suppose I’ll manage.”


	3. Chapter 3

“We need a plan,” you said for the who-the-fuck-knows-how-many-times as you paced back and forth.  Your thinkpan was a whirlwind of racing thoughts, and you clutched angrily at your hair as if you could yank a plan out of your head by sheer force.

Sollux was lounging on the other side of the block, his eyes half-lidded as he followed your movements.  “Would you pleathe thtop pathing, you’re giving me a headache,” he complained, reaching up to gingerly massage his temples.  Then he winced and shifted his hips uncomfortably.

“Wow, I’m sorry, I was just trying to _save our fucking lives_.  How could I have been so inconsiderate.”  You glare at him.  “This is all your fault anyway, can you drop the tired ‘doomed’ act and at least _pretend_ to give a shit?”

“KK, my thinkpan ith currently lodged firmly between my legth,” he replied testily.  “The only planth I can make right now involve pailth, hell even the voitheth are pretty much all jutht thcreaming for me to get laid already.  You _know_ how it ith, fuck!”

You do, in fact, know how it is.  The constant throbbing need in your nook, the restless, hair-trigger bulge, the twanging of over-sensitive nerves that turned even the slightest touch into a shivering, full-body sensation.  And you also know about the naggingly insistent urge in the back of your thinkpan, the one that tugs at your instincts and sends you into cavetroll mode no matter how inconvenient the situation.

Your anger evaporates into awkward sympathy.  “I--yeah.  Sorry.  Is it, uh...is it really bad?”

He throws you an incredulous look.  “What do you think?”  Then he shifts his hips again and moans, actually _moans_ , tilting his head back to expose the vulnerable slenderness of his throat.  Your mouth drops open slightly, but you manage to quash the possessive growl before it can escape.

Sollux lifts his head to glare at you for a moment before letting it thump back against the wall.  “Okay, get _out_ , I need to...nnggg _fuck_ \--”

His hands are already fumbling at his jumpsuit before you manage to choke out a garbled affirmative, and you flee towards your side of the block with more haste than dignity.  As soon as the door shuts behind you you’re sliding down the wall with a hand between your legs.  Your bulge emerges to meet it with embarrassing eagerness.  Letting it squirm against your palm, you reach up with your other hand to unzip your own jumpsuit--and wow, fuck whoever invented these things, fuck them right in the--god, finally!  The zipper yields to your determined yanking, and you slip your hand inside to wrap it around your bulge.

You’ve been dying for relief ever since you got your first whiff of pheromones, and you hiss quietly as it coils between your fingers, already slick with lubricating fluid.

A moan drifts through the wall, and your bulge gives a particularly enthusiastic thrash.  Shit, this is awkward.  Think, Karkat, what was the last bucket video you watched--right, it was the one with the really kinky brownblood who did that thing with his horns.  You try to visualize it, his lean body stretched out across the concupiscent couch, but then his skin begins to take on a yellow flush and yup, that sure is Sollux Captor you’re imagining naked right now.

Your nook gives an appreciative throb at this development, and you spare your traitorous anatomy a glare as you force the image out of your pan.  Let’s see, what else...right!  Seadwellers Gone Wild.  The website is about five different kinds of illegal, but it’s one of your guilty pleasures.  Sollux had sent it to you when--

Crap.

As if on cue, there’s a louder moan from outside, and instinctively you bare your teeth, sucking in air through your mouth as you try to catch Sollux’s scent.

Fuck, are you really going to rub one out to the thought of your best friend?

Yes.  Yes you are.

You begin pumping your bulge as you let yourself picture him as he must look right now.  He’d be leaning back against the wall like you are, his jumpsuit open--no.  His jumpsuit would be lying in a crumpled heap nearby, and he’d be completely, gloriously naked, every inch of him gleaming with sweat.

Oh god, this is so weird, it’s so wrong but it feels so _good_...

Your hand tightens on your bulge as your hips begin twitch.  In your head, Sollux has one hand braced against the floor as he fucks his nook with the other--one, then two, then three long, slender fingers slamming harshly up inside himself.  His head would be lolling back, ears lowered and hair plastered to his forehead as he dug his fangs into his lower lip.

Your own lips are dripping with blood as you desperately try to keep quiet.  The hand not occupied with your bulge trails along the swollen slit beneath it, and you can’t stop the strangled “mmnnnff!” that bursts out of your mouth, but you doubt Sollux can hear you at this point.  You imagine him scrambling to his knees, slipping a little in the yellow puddle he’s created, his free hand reaching up to squeeze one of his horns.  They’re probably sparking.  Hell, he’s probably putting on a whole light show, he won’t have any sort of fine control over his psionics in his state.

You wonder what that would feel like against your skin.

Your hips are pumping in earnest along with your hand when you hear a sudden trill, and it sets every nerve in your body on fire because fuck, he’s actually _calling_ now, and you want to scramble to your feet and go to him but you’ve still got enough self-control to stay put.  And oh god, you wonder if he’s displaying, ass in the air and nook spread, glistening and wet and ready to be fucked and that’s it, you’re done, you’re coming so hard you see stars.

When your head finally stops spinning, you’re hit with an unexpected wave of guilt.  You just orgasmed to the thought of your best friend in his most vulnerable state.  You just orgasmed to the thought of your _best friend_.

You clean up after yourself in sheepish silence.  You can’t hear anything outside, which means Sollux must’ve...finished, too.  There’s probably no way he doesn’t know what you were doing in here.  Wow, yeah, tomorrow night is going to be aaawwwk _ward_.

“Hey KK?”  You jump a little.  Sollux’s voice is dull and tired.

“What do you want?”  Okay, you maybe sounded a little harsh there, but who could blame you?  None one, that’s who.

“I’m thorry.”

You...weren’t expecting that.  “...It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Do you think we have any chanthe tomorrow night?”

You think about SGRUB, about clawing and fighting and facing death over and over and ripping victory from the cold, dead talons of defeat.  You think about your new world, and the future you never thought you’d have.  You think there’s no fucking way you went through all that just to be culled by a bunch of randy trolls.

“Of course we do, idiot,” you retort, and for the first time since this whole clusterfuck started, you believe it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!

The plan, when it comes to you suddenly in the middle of your sleep cycle, is both brilliant and the stupidest thing you’ve ever thought of.

You’re sitting up in your cramped little recuperacoon, breathing harshly and wiping sopor out of your eyes. It’s pretty low quality stuff, which is probably why you’ve just woken up from a dream about…oh god. You bury your face in your hands. Oh _god_.

Now you’re having goddamned _pail_ dreams about Sollux.

Really, _really_ vivid pail dreams.

Fuck your life sideways with a culling fork. Seriously, why did you even bother to crawl out of the brooding caverns? You are the worst friend, it’s you and oh _hell_ now you’re mentally quoting Dave Fucking Strider of all people.

Your self-pitying internal monologue has done nothing to dampen the enthusiastic coiling of your bulge, though, and you reach down into the sopor to give it an almost vicious tug. God, maybe it would be better if you and Sollux just pailed already, get it over with so you can stop _thinking_ about it so much…

…Wait.

Something nags insistently at the back of your pan, something about your previous thought. There’s a vague memory hovering frustratingly out of reach, and you frown, trying to remember. It’s right _there_ , and it’s driving you crazy because you can’t quite—the book!

It comes flooding back to you now—smuggling a romance novel into your hive under crabdad’s olfactory orifice and huddling under a blanket in your respite block as you read. You’d been much younger, maybe a little under five sweeps, and you’d only gotten part way through it before you had to stop. You remember how furiously you’d been blushing as you hid it behind your ‘coon. The characters had started doing some very adult ~things~ that you didn’t quite understand and were sure you’d never be interested in.

What a poor, naïve little wriggler you were.

You’d completely forgotten about that book—hell, it was probably still exactly where you’d left it. The reason it interested you now was the plot, or at least the sex scenes. One of the matesprits had gone into heat, and so of course the lovers had immediately proceeded to make like hopbeasts for like, five chapters. Maybe more, you hadn’t gotten any further than that. But when they _did_ have sex, the mating urge was temporarily satisfied. You’d enjoyed those interludes, which the characters had spent crooning declarations of their eternal pity for each other as they lounged on the concupiscent couch. Then they’d gone on to round…round whatever, you’d lost count.

The important thing was, when a troll was in heat, _sex temporarily quelled the urge to fuck anything and everything_.

It wasn’t just something the novel made up, either, because you can vaguely remember being taught the same thing in schoolfeeding. Something about the brain releasing chemicals to suppress the pheromones for a little while—you’d been too busy squirming in embarrassment to remember the exact details.

If Sollux could focus for just a little while, he’d be able to use his psionics to fly the two of you over the forest, and bam, just like that, this whole mess would be over. It was that easy. All you had to do was

have sex

with

him.

——-

It takes you the better part of an hour to work up the nerve to examine your life choices, climb out of your ‘coon, throw on some pants, and step out of your block. The first thing you hear when you open your door is a low moan, followed by a chirping trill, and suddenly you’re rooted to the spot, listening intently. Your mouth has gone dry. Your bulge is practically trying to squirm out of your pants, and you take a deep breath, trying to regain your composure.

Bad idea. A rush of pheromones invades your senses, and it takes every ounce of willpower you possess not to go charging into Sollux’s block like a lust-crazed cholerbear.

Fuck, this is ridiculous. You are a rational, civilized troll, and you will _not_ allow your bulge to dictate your actions. Squaring your shoulders and averting your eyes from Sollux’s open block (the door was still propped against the wall where the medinterrogator had left it), you rapped sharply on the doorframe.

The moans apruptly cut off. “I’m kind of _buthy_ here, KK, what the fuck do you want.” Sollux’s voice is breathless and strained and more than a little bit pissed-off sounding.

“I have a plan,” you tell him. “And. Uh. I need to talk to you.”

There’s a long pause, followed by a muffled groan of frustration. “Thith plan had better be fucking _thtellar_ ,” snaps Sollux’s disembodied voice. A moment later he materializes from the shadows of his block, scowling, his arms crossed. He’s only wearing his boxers, and you can see the glisten of sopor against his flushed skin. You swallow hard. Okay. You just need to be cool and logical about this, it doesn’t need to be a big deal, use your natural leadership skills—

“Let’s have sex,” you blurt out.

…Sometimes, you wonder exactly what you did to piss off the universe so much.

For only the second time in your life, you’ve rendered Sollux Captor utterly speechless. He’s staring at you, his mouth open and his arms hanging limply at his sides.

Then he sags back against the doorframe. “Oh thank fuck, I thought you’d _never_ athk.”

…What.

“…What.”

“I mean it’th kind of obviouth it wath going to happen,” Sollux continues, ignoring the bewildered gape of your jaw. “And I gueth thith ith ath good a time ath any, thinthe we’re probably going to die gruethomely tomorrow and all.”

“Wait a second here,” you finally manage to sputter. “Wait just a _fucking_ second. I spent the last hour feeling like the world’s creepiest friend and you’ve been waiting for me to jump your nook this _whole fucking time_?”

“Oh pleathe, like you haven’t wanted a piethe of thith fine ath thinthe we got here.” He grins, and you get a sudden sinking feeling in your digestive sac. “Ehehe, you thertainly theemed interethted a few hourth ago—”

You suddenly want him to shut up, so you do the only thing you can think of: you lunge forward and tackle him to the floor. His eyes go wide and he makes a very satisfying little “oof!” sound, and for a moment you’re hovering over him and smirking victoriously when you suddenly feeling movement against your thigh and reality comes crashing back down on you.

The look on Sollux’s face has gone from smug to shocked, and then he tilts his head back and trills very softly and _oh_. His bulge is writhing frantically against the fabric of his boxers, and your own seems determined to join the party. Every point of contact between your bare skin sends tingling jolts of sensation along your nerves and straight to your groin, and the fact that it’s _Sollux_ who’s making you feel this way is too much to take in right now, so you don’t. You can freak out later.

Instinctively you lift your head, inhaling deeply and letting the pheromones wash over you and welp, there goes all coherent thought. Your hesitation evaporates as you lean down and run your tongue along his throat, licking the sweet scent right off his skin. You can’t get enough. Sollux moans and tilts his head back obligingly, and the vulnerability of the action makes you shiver with want as you watch a bead of sweat slip down the line of his trachaea.

There’s a voice shouting vaguely at you from the rational part of your thinkpan—this is going way faster than you were prepared for, is way more _intimate_ than you were prepared for, and is definitely not the awkward bro-sex you’d been dreading but prepared for. You are in serious danger of losing control of this mobile transport device. Fuck, you’ve never had sex with anyone in heat before, you had no idea the effect would be this _strong_.

You do know what it’s like to be the one _in_ heat, though, so you’re not surprised when Sollux starts rutting his hips desperately up against yours. “Come _on_ ,” he whines impatiently, “what the fuck are you waiting for, let’th _do_ thith already—”

You’re already clawing at the waistband of your pants, but you grit your teeth and force yourself to slow down a little, fighting against instinct as you struggle to maintain at least some semblance of control. It’s pretty much a losing battle. “I’m trying to salvage the last tattered shreds of my dignity here, Captor, gimme a sec—” Shit, this is ridiculous, undressing should not be so hard. Finally you think _fuck dignity_ and just start shredding fabric. There, awkward struggle complete, pants sacrificed for the greater good. You look down.

Sollux has already shimmied out of his own boxers, and now he’s panting with anticipation, both legs spread invitingly. His yellow-flushed nook is glistening with a mixture of pre-genetic material and lubrication fluid—some of it has smeared along the inside of his thighs, you notice, staring. Then he tilts his hips up and makes another one of those little trilling noises, and your body leaves your thinkpan sputtering in the dust as you practically throw yourself on top of him. Coherent thought flees the building once again.

For a moment your bulges tangle instinctively, and it feels incredible but it’s not what you’re after. You let your bulge shift lower, lower, until the questing tip coils against the wet slit of Sollux’s nook and, groaning, you push inside.

Sollux makes a sound that’s halfway between a gasp and a sob. “Ooooh _fuck_ ,” he chokes out. “I—nngh, ah, _aaah_!”

The noises he’s making are unfairly delicious, and you punctuate each one with a hard thrust, open mouthed and panting with effort. You’re already close, closer than you usually would be at this point, and if the spasmodic clenching of his nook is anything to go by Sollux is rapidly closing in on the same destination. Your romance novel had dragged heat sex out for pages and pages, but in reality it’s fast and brutal.

That you wish it could have lasted longer is a fleeting, almost wistful thought that flashes across your pan, but that’s just _weird_ and you rapidly push it away.

Something keeps drawing your eyes back to Sollux’s neck, and you watch it flex in fascination as his head lolls back. You can’t help leaning over to draw your tongue along it again, and before you realize what you’re doing you growl and press your teeth into his skin. Not hard enough to puncture, but enough to let him know who’s in charge here, and you release him when he makes an eager little chirp of submission.

Oh god, that was embarrassingly hot.

Sollux reaches the finish line first, his back arching in a way that looks painful—he must be ridiculously flexible, god damn—and his claws scrabbling against the ground. “Ah—fuck, I’m… _nnnhh_!” His nook squeezes you like a vice before a gush of genetic material spurts out around it, and you manage a few more shallow thrusts before your own release blindsides you in an explosion of blissful oblivion—

There’s a knock on the door, and then it swings open.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will go through this chapter later and tidy it up a bit, but I've gotten to that point where if I look at it for one more second my eyeballs will spontaneously combust and I will fling myself shrieking into the pits of authorial despair, so.

If you were capable of rational thought at the moment, you would have remembered that bulges become temporarily swollen after the release of genetic material, and you would therefore not have attempted to hurl yourself backwards.  Unfortunately for you, rational thought has long since fucked off for saner climes.  You yelp in pain, and Sollux shrieks like a wet meowbeast as he’s yanked along for the ride.  Ow, ow, _ow_ , that was not a wise life choice.  You flail helplessly for a moment before you slip in a puddle of genetic goo, land on your back with a thud, and give up in despair.

Medinterrogator Argema clears her throat politely.

“Cull me now,” moans Sollux in a muffled voice from where he’s sprawled face-down on top of you.

“Certainly not,” Argema counters sharply.  “Especially since I’ve already gone to the trouble of altering protocol and arranging a drone escort to the testing grounds, and I’d hate to think I did it all for nothing.”

You do a double-take at the clock mounted on the wall.  Shit, it was that late already?  Time really did fly when you were pailing the hell out of your best friend because you were horny, desperate, and contemplating your own gruesome demise.

“You have five minutes to get dressed, and then I expect you to meet me out in this hallway.”  With that, Argema turned smartly on her heel, then paused and looked back.

“Oh, by the way,” she said.  “Congrats on the sex.”

The door closed firmly behind her.

——-

Extricating yourself from Sollux is a messy and somewhat painful process.  Your bulge has returned to normal, thank god, but it’s still pretty sensitive, and there’s an embarrassing squelching noise as you gingerly ease it free.  Sollux refuses to meet your eyes.

The mindless lust from earlier seems to have faded, and now you just feel cold and awkward.  The two of you dress in silence until the tension finally gets to you.

“Did it work?” you blurt out.

Sollux pauses in the middle of pulling on a sleeve and throws you a bewildered look.  “Uh…yeah?  I mean, I’m pretty sure that’th how thexth ith thuppothed to work…?”

“ _No_ , you idiot, I mean…are you… _feeling_ …better?  Is your pan clear enough to focus your psionics?  _Do you even know why we had sex in the first place_?”

“We needed a reathon?”  Blink.  “ _Oh_ , hey, I think…I actually do feel better.  Huh.”

“Well thank _fuck_ for that,” you said as you finished zipping up your jumpsuit.  “And yes, there was a reason, I just kind of, um, got…distracted…before I explained my plan.”  Your own thinkpan has definitely cleared up, and while you can still catch a lingering whiff of pheromones, they’re not nearly as potent as they’d been before.

You’d worried, privately, that you’d freak out once you were coherent again, but you’re strangely calm about the whole holy-shit-I-just-had-sex-with-Sollux thing.  Then again, you’ve pretty much used up your lifetime supply of freak-outs over this whole clusterfuck already.

A clusterfuck which is hopefully about to be _over_.  “Anyway, I remembered that pailing shuts off heat-pheromones for a while, which means we can both go back to functioning like rational assholes.  Are you up to carrying both of us to the gate?”

Sollux grinned, and mini red and blue lightning bolts danced between his horns.  “Piethe of cake,” he replied airily.  “Thee, everything’th going to be fine.  Hell, you _owe_ me KK, you jutht had thome pan-blowing thexth _and_ you’re gonna athe your Evaluation without lifting a finger.”

Normally you’d bitch about a statement like that—seriously, how many movie characters have had similar words come back to bite them in the ass—but your own mood has improved drastically.  “Damn straight it was pan-blowing, I’m obviously a natural.”  You pause.  “Also there’s a joke in there about fingers but I think making it would raise the awkward quotient up to unacceptable levels, so.”

Sollux started snickering, and you pushed him good-naturedly as you make your way past him and out into the hall, fighting a smirk of your own.  He pushes you back, which starts an impromptu shoving match.  You’re both grinning madly now, and the sense of relief is almost giddying.  You can’t _believe_ you’re going to make it out of this situation unscathed—

“I’m glad to see such high spirits in the face of your possible grisly demise.  Quite admirable, really.”  Medinterrogator Argema scrutinized you impassively from where she stood nearby, flanked by a pair of drones that dwarfed even her considerable bulk.  You tried to stand a little straighter, self-consciously brushing some imaginary lint off your sleeve.  Sollux just hid behind you.  Cowardly bastard.

Argema sighed.  “Well, follow me, then.”

The corridors are empty as you make your way down them—everyone else has already started their Evaluations, no doubt.  One of the drones has fallen back to bring up the rear, looming silently over your little party as you march onwards to your fate.  You catch yourself chewing nervously on your bottom lip and force yourself to relax.  You’re going to be _fine_.

After what seems like an eternity (but still far too soon for your liking), you reach a large set of double doors with an imposingly complex-looking locking mechanism in the center.

Argema steps forward and types something into the lock’s keypad, and the doors swish open.  Beyond them lies about fifty feet of neat, manicured lawnring, then dense forest as far as the eye can see.

“This is the tracking test.  It started an hour ago, so by now the woods are full of your peers.  Their job is to track down and locate their Evaluator.  Your job is to reach the gate on the other side of the trees alive.  If you succeed, you will pass your Evaluation.  If you fail, I’ll have another pair of corpses to fit into my dissection schedule.  You will receive no help, and these doors will be locked behind you.  Any questions?  No?  Excellent.  Begin.”

You and Sollux both kind of gape as the doors slam shut.  “The drones called, they still don’t want your genetic material,” you mutter, giving both doors a double finger salute.

Sollux slaps a hand over his mouth to cover his sudden snort of laughter.  “Ehehe, you would totally never have the globeth to thay that to her fathe!”

“Fuck no, now make with the psionics and get us out of here.”

You keep your face carefully neutral as you rise into the air to show how unimpressed you are (you are really, really impressed).  It surprises you sometimes how little Sollux shows off.  If _you’d_ been gifted with psionics, you’d probably be a little flashier with them—ha ha, who are you kidding, you’d show off so much you’d annoy even yourself.

The forest is pretty monotonous, and you quickly lose interest in trying to spot other trolls.  Not gonna happen with a canopy that thick.  Instead you crane your head around to look at Sollux, who is flying above you.  “Can’t we go faster?”

“No, thtop athking.”  Sollux scowls down at you.  He looks a little…flushed.

“I only asked once!”  You frown, squinting up at his face.  “Uh…you alright, bro?”

Sollux doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t have to.  There’s a sudden familiar scent in the air, and your stomach lurches.  No, wait—it wasn’t just your stomach, your whole body dropped a good foot.

“What the fuck, we just _had_ sex!” you yelp, flailing frantically and squeezing your eyes shut.  “Oh my god, Sollux, if you drop me I will throw your husktop into your ‘coon, fuck, I will find a way to upload Equius’s entire porn stash directly into your brain _oh god please don’t drop me_!”

There’s a moment of silence, during which you slowly come to the realization that you’re still flying serenely along.  You warily open one eye.  Sollux is staring at you; when he sees you looking, he rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Chill, KK, I got thith.  It’th not that bad yet, and I can thee the wall up ahead.”  His voice is amused, but definitely strained, and there are little beads of sweat gathering on his forehead.  One of them drips down to settle in the bow of his upper lip.  The urge to lick it off is suddenly overwhelming, and you hastily look away.  Sollux was right—the wall _is_ just up ahead, a few more minutes and you’ll be—

Your body lurches again, and you squeal like a wiggler.  Then you’re assaulted by a fresh wave of pheromones—great, now you’re terrified _and_ horny, your human gravestone is going to read “Here Lies Karkat Vantas, He Literally Died From A Bout Of Ill-Timed Sexual Frustration, Ha Ha What A Douche”.

Sollux yells out something unintelligible and reaches down to grab your hands.  You’re both hovering just above the treetops at this point, your sneakers brushing the leaves as you skim by.  “Fuck, KK, I’m thorry, I can’t conthentrate, I—”

You’re falling.


End file.
